“The wedding between Amadie and Oluchei holds on 17th day of August 2013, at Church of Azumption Falomo, Ikoyi. Reception follows immediately at KSEA Event Centre Lekki by 1:30pm. This card admits one” That’s all the invitation card had on it, the invite for church is different, bigger with picture of the couple and all.
Lesson 1: Less pay for invite to wedding especially if you are not donating towards their good cause.
Lesson 2: Not everyone is invited to the church service especially for the safety of the bride so she doesn't face another ‘Solomon Akiyesi’ drama.
The church wedding was very quick, as we all know rich people don’t have time for too much talk. The Father can call the couples later and give them all the advice in the world, but you can’t keep important friends of the parents waiting, they are the major sponsors and they have other things to do.
Lesson number three; don’t bore your sponsors with too much talk. Like Yoruba people will say “Olowo ofe ariwo” .
After one hour in church, it’s time for the reception ceremony which is where friends of all parties concerned get to show themselves including friends of both spouse. In this wedding reception, the dancing in of the newly wed isn't the highlight neither is the first kiss nor feeding of each other, rather it’s the part where the mothers of both spouse and their friends join them to dance to their sits. These friends of the mothers are dressed in the same cloth as the mother of the bride and groom - a suede wrapper as it’s done this days (present day equivalent for Abada) friends of the mother of the bride/groom begin to chant her praise as they dance forward, calling her the only woman who could bring all this great people together. Both mothers did their dance and chant separately, thereby almost taking 30 minutes more from the stipulated time, Isn't this unfair on invited guests, especially for reception ceremony that started late? Well, what do they care, we are Nigerians and the assumption is that our coming means we have nowhere else to be. **sigh**
After the dance, the chairman gives his opening speech which also includes prayers. Let’s call Mr. Chairman…. One igbo name sha, say Sir Michael Ebunoha and his wife Lolo Amaka Ebunoha, the Agu of Amafo, Eshingi Kingdom. After chairman’s speech the bride and groom can come in with their train, but as young people they try to jazz up the all event by having their train dance in one at a time they don’t figure that time is being wasted because in their mind you have nowhere else to be! typical Nigerian mentality. Finally the bride and groom dances in and we all take a deep breath, as one major part is been done >>>> unto the next one.
Oh I forgot, the eldest person from either side breaks Kola and all that stuff and the prayer for that time is another heart felt pain. Back to after the dance, special guest of honor, say Mummy Alakija prays for the couple as they start their walk together as husband and wife. Then the regular cutting of the cake and feeding each other, best man speech bleh bleh bleh, also the couple first dance, then I wonder what was that they did when they were coming in, shey the pastor didn’t call them man and wife ni? Is it the congregation sorry I meant invited guest that joined them? Nigerians ehn. Then the parents announce that they have a surprise for the couples, in comes Mr. Neato Chikwe aka Neato C to add groove after that the wedding is over unofficially o, but nah, that’s when young chaps begin to troop in cliques. Young people’s party is about to go down and the time is 7:15pm.
The bride throws her bouquet, the groom gives his speech. Another special guest says the closing prayer, this time someone from the northern part of Nigeria. One of those men I think wants to marry a 13year old. And the bride parents saying to us he has friends in high places. Elders, special guest begin to vamoose the hall, as the groom announces that the main party is about to start, no young person should leave. A truck drives in and opens a mobile cold room with Henny, Moet and others, finger food servers swing into action immediately. Cuban cigars in the air, the place begin to get stuffy, but thank God for those gigantic AC’s that saved the day.
My island sisters begin to form familiarity including the obvious aristos, desperate wifey materials and all others. Seated and cross legged they cling to the friend (male) they came with either by mogbo moya or otherwise. They don’t leave him to chance except they get a better looking and oozing money bag! Oluchie got married to a rich boy, so they want a rich boy too.
This young lady writing this post has to be in church tomorrow as early as 8am, so I have to leave these guys to keep at what they do. As I walk up to the car to drive out I site a sistah giving a brother a lick down there … no time, impress him to keep him shey? I feel you sis. loool.
